Complaining: How Small Frustrations Drain Your Energy
I recently attended a session on unlocking potential, finding purpose, and managing energy to create success in different areas of life.
There were plenty of interesting insights, but one question stuck with me:
How long do you think you can go without complaining?
Some people guessed a full day. Others said a few hours.
But the reality is, we complain up to 30 times a day - or maybe even more, according to some research - especially when you count the passing thoughts we barely notice.
I catch myself complaining, just like everyone else. But when you really start paying attention, you realize how often it happens and how automatic it is.
It’s everywhere.
We get annoyed when our food takes too long at a restaurant.
We complain about flight delays, slow Wi-Fi, or traffic jams.
We get frustrated when it’s too hot, too cold, too humid, too rainy.
And it all happens so fast that we don’t even notice it.
But here’s the problem.
Complaining rewires your brain for negativity – backed by research.
Every time we complain, we strengthen the neural pathways linked to negativity. It reinforces the negativity bias we already have, making us even more focused on problems and threats.
And the more we complain, the easier it becomes to default to frustration, irritation, and dissatisfaction.
It’s a vicious cycle.
On the surface, complaining can feel good - it can be a quick way to vent, release negative emotions, and even bond with others who share our frustrations.
But it also:
trains your brain to focus on problems, making everything feel more negative.
drains your energy without you even noticing.
puts you in a reactive state, making you lose control instead of choosing your actions intentionally.
And over time, it shapes the way we see the world.
Breaking this cycle isn’t easy but it’s possible. And it starts with awareness.
A Simple Experiment to Shift Your Mindset
As a follow-up to the session, I got a simple assignment:
For the next few days, just notice when you're in complaining mode.
That’s it. No pressure to change anything - no guilt, no judgment. Just recognize those automatic moments of frustration and how they make you feel.
Simply noticing can be a solution on its own, making you more aware of its impact and naturally more inclined to shift it over time.
Once you’re aware, try reframing:
Is it really worth it? How bad is it, really? Is it worth your time and energy? Does focusing on it help you in any way?
Is there a silver lining? Can you find something positive in this? Is there something to appreciate in the moment?
What can I learn? Maybe this is an opportunity to grow, build resilience, or learn something new.
Shifting to Gratitude Changes Everything.
For example, I used to get frustrated sitting in Toronto traffic. But once I became aware of it, I started catching those early signs of frustration and intentionally shifting my focus.
Now, I see it as time for myself - to listen to a podcast, enjoy music, or just think. Same situation, completely different energy.
This shift is especially important when dealing with things beyond your control. Complaining about what you can’t change is one of the biggest energy drains – but shifting to gratitude helps you regain control and see things differently.
When You Do Need to Complain…
Complaining isn’t always bad - sometimes, it’s necessary. When it happens, try the Sandwich Method:
Start with something positive.
Express your complaint constructively.
End with another positive point.
For example, when we communicate with others:
❌ “This project is a mess. Other teams keep delaying things, and now we’re way behind.”
✅ “We’ve made great progress, but delays are setting us back. Let’s find a solution together and keep things moving.”
Or when we talk to ourselves:
❌ “I’m terrible at this.”
✅ “I’ve improved in so many areas. This is still a challenge, but I know I’ll get better with practice.”
I know I complain more than I should - sometimes out loud, but often just in my own head. But I want to work on this because I know it affects my energy, focus, and overall state of mind.
If this resonates with you, join me on this experiment. Try noticing when it happens, catch yourself, and see how it shifts your energy.
The goal isn’t to never complain - that’s impossible. It’s about catching yourself more often and breaking the cycle faster so you can create a more positive world for yourself and those around you.
Hi, I am Marina Korotkikh - your go-to Energy and Time Management Coach for High Performers. I help you go from Point A (Always too busy, never enough time) to Point B (Clear, Energized, and In Control) in 70 days using my P.E.A.C.E. framework.
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